I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
