oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
