She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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