All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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