I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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