I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
