Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
