How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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