WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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