i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
