My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
