it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dick very happy bro
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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