I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need to calm my uterus...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
