I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
