my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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