Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
