You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
