i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
