PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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