he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
is it fun? or sober?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
