We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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