Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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