I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
