I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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