I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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