I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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