So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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