i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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