i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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