Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think my fart just growled at me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
