Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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