HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
