upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
