i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
