the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
