It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
