what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
