You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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