my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
