Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
