His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have started to decorate penises.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
