I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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