u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
