I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
