Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
