I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
