y did u give ur computer a hand job?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
