So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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