do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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