Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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